So last month I spoke about my goals and although I’m still working towards my goals I haven’t been so successful this month, therefore I’m going to write about what I did get up to.
The whole month was so busy for me and I honestly couldn’t handle it. I know for most people this isn’t a very full month and I know people have bits going on daily but for me this is a lot going on and it definitely took its toll.
4th July – Made a Rabbit Hutch!!
Yes I made/designed a beautiful pink indoor hutch, for my bunny, with help from my partner and parents. I decided I needed to replace the old upcycled hutch and make something a bit more open and clean that bun bun can easily get in and out of whenever she wants. I’ll insert some images of what it looks like here.
It’s not amazing but I’m surely proud of it and giving Bun Bun a home that is so much more open for her than what she had before which was an old cramped up cabinet converted to a bunny home.
8th July – 1st birthday party /Mental Breakdown
Seren and I were invited by an old school friend to her son’s 1st birthday party at an indoor play area. Seren Loved it however my anxiety was terrible! There were only about 8 families/mums with their toddlers and babies but It felt so crowded and overwhelming. I’ll start from the beginning I guess, for the first time ever the morning was okay, getting ready and getting out the door was actually not that bad for me or Seren, however the journey was a nightmare and I originally didn’t think I’d make it before the party ended, there was some sort of bike race or charity bike thing that was happening on the same day, which happens every year and I expected it soon BUT not on that same day and I usually get a letter in the post about it because literally EVERY main road gets closed. luckily enough I stopped myself from getting an anxiety attack over this, I just kept reassuring and kinda lying to myself that the day was still going to go well and I was going to be okay and we’d get there fine and dandy. Which we did, we managed to get there about half an hour to an hour late but with still about an hour left to go, so enough to give our gift to the birthday boy, say hi and let Seren have a play. Of course it didn’t play out like as easy as this, so when we first got to the indoor play area we parked up and Terry walked me in, as I don’t do social situations like this so well, then he had to go and drop the dog off with my parents as it was a hot day (about 28 degrees Celsius) and we couldn’t let her stay in the car in that heat, we were meant to do it before the party but plans didn’t plan out so well, it already took about an hour and a half to get to somewhere that usually takes about 20 minutes to get to as it was. So anyway Terry (my partner) had left to take the dog to my parents and I was left with Seren by myself with these other people from school and that freaked me out as it was. I could have possibly sat there on my own until Terry got back as Seren played and would have been fine. However it didn’t happen like that and what felt like hours of terry not being there and here I was panicking over every little thing Seren was doing, so to calm myself down a bit I thought I’d take 5 mins out and take Seren to the ‘toilet’ which I did do but also I just needed a breather (she also wee’d on the toilet like a big girl which I was very proud about). After that little episode of mine I went back and sat down and then all the little’ns were called in for some party food and this is where I lost myself and kind of went into a daze, so I put seren in the highchair provided sat next to the birthday boy and I can remember just looking around and feeling really out of place like I shouldn’t be there, I felt judged, I felt like I was a nobody, nobody was speaking to me, I felt like I wasn’t dealing with seren in the right way, I thought I was messing everything up and I kind of just went in and out of dazed consciousness almost like I was functioning on autopilot. I spoke to a few of the girls at the party and I would consider them friends and I thought they’d speak to me and maybe make me feel a little more comfortable but it was almost like they didn’t have an interest in speaking to me even when I plucked up the courage to say hi, I knew everyone at the party and I knew they knew me so it wasn’t like I was a stranger but I just felt like the odd one out when they are all chatting and being ‘normal’ functioning humans and here I am malfunctioning. After the food or after I’d had enough of standing there frozen with thought after thought running through my head, I went and sat down in general seating and let Seren play some more and a few minutes later Terry came back and I had told him how I felt and to be honest it was such a relief that he was back, he’s such a huge support and he completely takes over when I feel the way I do in those moments. After a few more minutes the party was over and everyone was going home which was a huge weight off my shoulders because that meant I could go home and relax. I spoke to the birthday boys mum and couldn’t stop apologising for turning up late although I think she understood I just don’t know how to talk, and I just stood there like a lemon waiting for a conversation and nothing happened so I was like “bye”, I waved and walked out and the second I got to the car it was like I could breathe again. Although it was so stressful for me that I got to my parents house and passed out on the couch, I just couldn’t handle it.
Sorry for droning on but this is just a simple task for the majority and for me I just couldn’t do it, I mean I did and I’m happy I did but its just not easy and its certainly not something I could do every week or few weeks, this moment took a toll for the next few days as you’ll see and so I should have recovered after this and not made myself so busy because I needed to rest and reboot before I made myself worse.
& I didn’t get many pictures as I was just way too anxious to even think about it until the last minute.
9th July – New computer
I finally have a new computer, my other one has been dead and broken for months now and it’s taken me so long to save and get a new one which means more blog posts and hopefully a new website and maybe a special surprise (coming soon), it just means I can do so much more than what I’ve been doing on my phone. I have had a few ups and downs already with this laptop but I’m persevering as I can’t really afford a high end laptop or anything £400+ and that’s usually the base price for a good laptop so when I saw this one for £299 I thought *BARGAIN* but it has had issues with the updating and being quite slow when it finally does update, but my other half rang HP and they fixed it (for now) if it doesn’t work out and in the next few weeks I have to send it back then i’ll be severely frustrated and upset as I’ve really needed a laptop and I’m so sick of the bad luck I seem to keep getting with things breaking and not working like they should. anyway rant over, it seems to be working fine for now so I’ll see how this plays out.
10th July – 1st ever blogger event at 39 Desserts Café in Cardiff
This was amazing! I cannot praise this event enough, all the staff were so welcoming and the people who helped to organise the event had done a brilliant job! the food and the presentation was perfect and it was just a lovely place. Besides it was like a free date night as I had to bring Terry with me which was sweet. Terry was so excited when he got told that anything on the menu he chose would be free. They do say that the key to a mans heart is food and his face said it all haha. It was a really fantastic night & I got to meet a beautiful Mummy blogger/Instagrammer who is an absolute sweetheart! She came to the event alone and if I had of known I would have invited her over to our cubicle (I really wish anxiety didn’t control my life because then I could make those decisions to converse with others without them needing to talk to me first). So she came to our table and sat and conversed for about half an hour and we really hit it off, I don’t speak to many people and just hearing how she does things just made me realise I’m not alone on a lot and that I maybe shouldn’t put myself down about them. So yeah thank you Hayley, if you are reading this, you really helped me that day, you really made the day before feel like it never happened. Also for future reference if you see someone looking a bit fragile or down or frozen in time as I like to call it, please go say hi if you can, it can make someone’s day/week even if you think it won’t.
Here’s a few images of the night:
Hayley has also just made her first podcast on podbean so please go and check that out! I believe she’s going to do great so follow/like/share and get the word out that there is a new podcaster out there who is talking about things that need to be seen and heard and spoken about.
Hayley’s Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/4kidsandabulldog
Hayley’s Podcast: https://fourkidsabulldogandapodcast.podbean.com/
Hayley’s Blog: https://www.4kidsandabulldog.blogspot.com
Hayley’s Bloglovin: https://www.bloglovin.com/4kidsandabulldog
15th + 17th July – Talking with a new friend.
After the blogger event at 39 desserts, Hayley and I decided to meet up and talk about future business plans and a little of getting to know each other. The first meet up was at Victoria Park in Cardiff, a lovely little place with a mini splash park, we decided to do this mid-summer so the weather was almost unbearable and the park was full to the brim with people, so you can imagine how difficult it was to talk about future plans and business in general haha.
The next meet up was at Hayley’s house, we met up this time without children and had a chilled cocktail night in to get to know each other, she made me feel so at home and comfortable and I can’t thank her enough for her hospitality. Thanks Hayley.
21st July – Disney meet up /Mental Breakdown
This day was set up to fail, mentally I just couldn’t hack it. Don’t get me wrong I was overjoyed with this day and it was as magical as I thought it’d be, we got our very own Disney badges and a little goodie bag from the Disney store and the people at the meet up were so lovely. The only thing that let it all down was me. From start to finish I felt sick and dizzy and had constant negative thoughts going through my head about the day, and the worst thing was feeling like I couldn’t speak or function. My anxiety had completely taken over this day for me, I was an absolute mess and couldn’t enjoy it like I wanted to, I had taken my other half and Seren with me so that made me feel better but then I was taking my stress filled anxiety brain out on them which isn’t helping the situation any more. I’m hoping that the next meet up will be an easier one for me, I want to enjoy it and have fun and be a normal human being just for one day.
23rd July – Beach group outing
An outing I wasn’t prepared for. I think the residual stress and anxiety left over from the Disney meet up made this day also go slightly pear-shaped however I didn’t let it affect me as much. So this day was all about a group trip for the toddlers of the playgroup/pre-school that Seren goes to and they kindly prepared and organised some wonderful days out including this one which was an outing to Barry Island. It started off a bit wobbly what with arriving almost 2 hours late because we were disorganised but in the end it did get better as Seren had great fun playing in the sea for the first time and building sand castles and kicking the balls around (even though they weren’t hers to play with but toddlers will be toddlers)
26th July – I won a giveaway!
I am so overjoyed with winning this giveaway as it was one of those things that I entered on a whim, thinking I wasn’t going to win anything but at least I have a chance, ya know?
so when I heard I’d won, I was kind of in disbelief. The giveaway by the way was a massive collection of “I ❤ Revolution” cosmetics, which if anyone knows me, knows that Revolution as a whole is my favourite company to slap on my face!
I must admit this giveaway made my whole week and I’m so thankful to Bethany Faye a.k.a MoreToFaye.
She uploads amazing Youtube content and her makeup looks are good enough to eat, so please do check her out!
I hope you enjoyed this little snippet of July, & sorry its a bit late in August to be posting this but I think a little of writers block got in the way, that and I’ve been recovering mentally from all the stress I’ve been through recently, which I think is a blog post for another day.
So tell me, how was your month? & how are you feeling today?