Throwing out all my old school/college work for the first time in forever, I’ve held on to this paperwork for far too long now…
Which made me realise I’ve been out of education now for 6 years why am I still holding onto this ‘junk’?
It’s because this has been a constant reminder of my ‘failures’ and those times where I feel I didn’t try as hard as I should of and didn’t meet expectations of teachers, family members and friends.
I never finished anything, I felt I was always having too much going on inside of my head, like it was going to explode and concentrating more on the people in my class than what was written on the board.
so I always thought I’d have to go back and finish what I started, right my failures, do what everyone else does and become something in this world, like a life saving doctor or veterinary surgeon, or even be a crime busting forensic scientist.
Because I was told that these jobs were successful things to be and anything else wasn’t going to be good enough, I was told that in this world if you don’t have a well paid job and an amazing brain to figure out the most difficult equation ever known to man than you just don’t cut it.
I gave up pretty quick on being anything when I didn’t pass my GCSE’s because in my mind if I couldn’t get top grades in a stupid school exam then how was I going to be a life saving doctor or crime busting forensic scientist.
After school I managed to get into btec’s which didn’t involve exams but paperwork instead and I thought that maybe I could do it that way but it wasn’t until I finished that course and quit the next two that I realised I just didn’t want to do brain hacking science jobs on that level.
I always enjoyed science and that will never change I enjoy using my brain to think about things logically and deeply but it isn’t something I want to try hard and make a job. I just felt I was being pushed to the limits to do something I didn’t necessarily want.
In school I was very limited to what I could do and my favourite subjects were geography, English, sciences, catering and sewing but being the social outcast I was, I wanted to fit into a group and so I chose the subjects I didn’t like just to fit in and have ‘friends’. I never felt a part of anything throughout school or college because of the subjects I chose and that’s why I feel I failed so much.
But things have changed a lot since then, I’ve gone through the good and bad and my personality and the person I am has changed a lot since 2013. I’m a mum with more responsibilities and understanding with more know how than I ever did and I no longer look at myself as a failure but someone who tried and someone who learnt that it just wasn’t for them, of course I will continue to learn and I will eventually go back to education but in my own time and it will be my own choice.
No-one should ever feel guilty for trying or for getting average grades like I did.
So many kids get labelled in school like the trouble maker, the nuisance, the time waster, the try hard, the one who could do better, the slacker… and these are all destructive ways of teaching kids to do more, influence them as teachers and friends, tell them that they are amazing and they are doing amazing, don’t discourage but encourage.
Kids get told a time frame and then are expected to get a job and they aren’t really told the in-betweens or the ‘REAL’ time frames which is because there ISNT one. There is no time limit to figure out who you are and what you want to do with YOUR life, heck I’ve only figured out a small portion of my own. There are people in their 50’s+ who are still going to education and learning and getting qualified in things they wouldn’t have done when they were kids.
Life is about more than getting qualified, earning money and starting a family. Life is about exploring, learning along the way and doing things in a way only YOU know how. Things will come naturally, you are NOT a failure because you didn’t finish, you are NOT a failure because you are slower than the rest or don’t get the question like every other person in your class. Failure is a word used to scare you. If you aren’t trying or pushing yourself it’s not failing it’s figuring out why you aren’t and correcting it, life is full of trial and error, not everyone gets things right first time.
You are you and there is no-one on this planet like you! So why should you do things like everyone else? Do things the way you are comfortable doing them. But just know there are plenty of people struggling, plenty of people not feeling like they are in the right place, help each other achieve and by just doing that you’ve already succeeded in life.
This was a very spur of the moment blog post, but I felt this needed to be said, there is too much pressure put on young kids nowadays.
I just wanted to say that it’s okay, you are doing great whether you are young, old, in education, working or just sat the other side reading this post, you are amazing! You have done amazing things and you will continue to do amazing things! Don’t let anyone discourage you from doing what you feel you want to do in life, just carry on being you.
Thanks for reading.